You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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