i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
