My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
