My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
