Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
