yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
