Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize