I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I look better un-naked...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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