I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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