My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
