the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
