I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My penis needs a shock collar
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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