i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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