ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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