Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
no, he came in my armpit
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
