If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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