2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
