I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
