She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
