Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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