I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
