I just pynch a tree in the face
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
