Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
