ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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