peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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