also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
