He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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