he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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