Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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