Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
