dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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