My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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