Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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