i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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