Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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