I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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