so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
