just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
