Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize