Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
