what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
