They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
