i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
