i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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