Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just tell him i said nine months
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
