Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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