Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize