How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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