What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
