Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
