it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i came on her dog
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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