If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
