We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
