I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
