I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
