I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
