I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
