you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
