Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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