is wine microwaveable?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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