OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
