dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize