Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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