i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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