I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
