she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
