I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You just made me feel so damn special
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
