I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
