We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
