No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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