what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
