My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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