She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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