Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
