dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
