go do what you do best...puke behind churches
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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