the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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