I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
