they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
