I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
