i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Where is the hickey?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
