ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
