If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
