So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this will be a night to untag.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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