Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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